Being Right or Being President isn't a Popularity Contest
©Mental Dimensions Humor Ezine
by Andy Alt
.:Political Humor:.
30 Mar 2006
Having a President who prefers fascism might seem like a fun time, especially if you're working for him, or in the oil business, but sometimes Democracy can suffer. For instance, Mr. Bush doesn't care about poll numbers. "Bein' President isn't about bein' popular. There were two popularity contests, and I wun both of 'em. It dudn't even matter if I wun 'em by cheatin', they're over now, and I'm in charge."
Quoting people accurately isn't one of my specialties. People may lean toward accurate reporting, but I don't really care. A good reporter might be more popular, but good reporting isn't about being popular.
"Mister President, if you're working for the American people, why don't you care about poll numbers?"
"Bein' President isn't about being popular, and mathematics isn't a qualification for being President. I hear numbers sometimes, but I don't like to listen to them. I hear lots of stuff -- sometimes what I hear is real, and sometimes it isn't."
"Mr. President, the arithmetic isn't very complex. If 36% of American citizens approve of the job you're doing, you just have to subtract that number from 100 to find out how many disapprove."
"Look... I'm a businessman, I don't have time to add and subtract numbers. I'm tryin' to make sum money for myself, and this here country if it's possible. I don't need to be confused by poles and flags and your subversive subtraction ideas. I think you might be a terrorist.
"No, Mr. Bush, I'm not a terrorist. I'm merely trying to figure out why you don't care about the opinion of the American people? Don't you believe that the voice of the American people is a core ideal of Democracy?
"Well, if they disapprove of me, they're probably terrorists, and I'm not working for terrorists, I'm working for the American people."
"But, Mr. Bush -"
Hold on, now, I'm not finished. You'll know when I'm finished. If you're gonna interrupt me, I'll start thinkin' you're against me, and therefore, against this country, and my freedom to speak."
"Yes, sir."
"As I was sayin', poles and flags are nice things, but it's my job to protect the American people. See, they need protection because they're idiots. If they were smart, they would have elected John Kerry, or Ralph Nader, or Daffy Duck; but they didn't, they elected me... y'know... they sort of elected me. Either way, they don't know what's good for 'em, so I don't care about my poll numbers.
"'Sides, I'm already King, so there ain't nothin' they can do about it until 20,008. Their voice counts every four or five years. In between times, I'm running this here country, and as long as people are workin' for me, earnin' money for me, that makes me the boss. That was one of the first things I learnt when I was schoolin' for business at collidge. Who's gonna argue with me? Cheney? I got so much dirt on him he's sprouting trees out of his chest."
"Thank you for the interview, Mr. President. I'd just like to remind you that I'm not a subversive, and I agree with your decisions. If I bow down before you and kiss your class ring, will you command your Secret Service entourage to remove these handcuffs?"
"Sure thing. Just make sure that when you bow, your head is lowered too. If you do that, we got a deal. It's been a pleasure doing business with you."
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