Quit Smoking, or at Least Think about Quitting
by Andy Alkaline
©Mental Dimensions Humor Ezine
.:Medical Humor:.
15 Jan 2006

Quitting smoking now greatly reduces chances of your premature death. It's difficult to quit smoking, sometimes as difficult as getting out of bed in the morning. Getting out of bed every day and quitting smoking is important for maintaining good health; that's why I'm providing a motivational article to help you in your endeavors to better yourself. Getting out of bed is beyond the scope of this article, and I'll only be focusing on smoking cessation.

I figured that as long as I got out of bed, I might as well think about something, so I thought about quitting smoking. Thinking about quitting smoking is almost as important as making it a reality. You can't truly quit smoking unless you've thought about it first. As you ponder quitting smoking, have a cigarette if the need arises. It will help you relax if you feel anxiety about the prospect of never lighting up again.

While you're smoking and thinking about quitting, think about eating popcorn. Think about how much better popcorn tastes. Popcorn may help you quit smoking. You'll find that while you're eating popcorn, your urge to smoke will have lessened. Eating popcorn may seem like a good idea, but after you've run out of popcorn you'll most likely desire a cigarette. Once you've finished your popcorn and are about to light up, I strongly advise you to think about eating another bag of popcorn, or throwing your cigarettes into the trash. If you've thought about these two options and neither seems very appetizing, at least give yourself praise for having the courage to think about quitting. Promise yourself that you'll consider it further, and then remember to add popcorn and cigarettes to your grocery list if you're running low.

Quitting smoking may be the most important thing that you do in your life. Getting out of bed is also important, and thinking about exercising, but smoking is pretty far up on the list. There are some exceptions to this rule. Some of them include -- but are not limited to -- (a.) having an obsessive-compulsive disorder which causes you to invade other countries or (b.) are currently involved in a contest to see how many endangered species you can kill off to extincion. If either of these scenarios apply to you, or if you're in the habit of committing general crimes against humanity, then my advice to you would be to get rehabilitated and work on successfully re-entering society. If you've made a prioritized list of things in your life you'd like to improve on, that's commendable, but make sure (34)quitting smoking is at the bottom, and (1)no more chaos and destruction of innocent whales or countries is at the top.

I briefly mentioned exercise in the last paragraph. Sometimes you might find that exercise gets in the way of your smoking activities. If you've chosen to avoid exercise in favor of smoking, or thinking about quitting smoking, let me assure you that there's a better option. It may help you to exercise with a cigarette hanging from your mouth. People at the gym, or your cat may look at you curiously, but assure them that you're thinking about quitting smoking.

If after several months you still haven't managed to quit smoking, don't punish yourself for failing to quit smoking. You're already punishing yourself because all of your extra money has been spent on cigarettes, and cancer cells are starting to form. You don't need to beat yourself up any more than that. All that guilt is detrimental to not only your physical health, but also your mental health. You're already starving your brain of oxygen by smoking -- don't add insult to injury. In your efforts to quit smoking, your brain must be preserved so you can continue to think about quitting smoking. On the bright side, if your brain ever does decay completely, you can always use what's left of your tar-encrusted heart to feel that you should quit smoking.


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